General Election Year – the art of the personal put-down

The killer phrase, the career-ending image, the ultimate put-down – nowhere is this better evidenced than in politics. So, with a General Election looming in May 2015, does this mean we can expect to be indulged in modern-day witticisms from our ruling elite….erm, probably not.

Consider these modern-day insults:

• “A congealed laminated weasel” (David Cameron)
• “A plastic bag caught in a tree” (Ed Miliband)
• “A bunch of flowers taped to some railings” (The Libdems in general!)

These insults have one thing in common – they were all crafted by a comedian (Bill Bailey) – which shows the need for a sense of humour, something which most, but not all, politicians sorely lack.

So what makes a good insult?

1. Vivid imagery
Paint a picture in the reader’s mind:

• “He’s like a shiver waiting for a spine” (Paul Howard on John Hewson)
• “[it’s] like being savaged by a dead sheep” (Denis Healey on Geoffrey Howe)

2. Play on words
Like a good joke, you know the punchline is coming, but you can’t help yourself but smile:

• “A sheep in sheep’s clothing” (Winston Churchill on Clement Attlee)
• “He can’t help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth.” (Ann Richards on George Bush, Sr.)

3. Exaggeration
Take an well-known element of the person you are insulting…and exaggerate it!

• “A semi-house-trained polecat” (Michael Foot on Norman Tebbit at a time when he was pictured as Thatcher’s enforcer)
• “the sensitivity of a sex-starved boa constrictor” (Tony Blair on Margaret Thatcher, when the latter was synonymous as the ‘Iron Lady’)

And what doesn’t make a good insult?
When the person conveying the insult is made to appear crass or pompous, then the insult just isn’t good enough:

• “a stupid, sanctimonious dwarf” (Simon Burns on John Bercow) – this is lazy at best, and ‘dwarfist’ at worst, tying in the accusation of being stupid with that of being short.
• “[having] the appearance of a low-grade bank clerk” (Nigel Farage on Herman von Rompuy) – there is no imagery here, and Mr Farage just ends up making himself sound as dull as the person he’s trying to insult.

However, let’s end on a high note – if you were to want to accuse somebody of being stupid, you could do far worse than to follow Mark Twain’s example:

• “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”