Famous last words….or what you’d like to say when the time comes

Last words. It would be nice to think that, when the time comes,  we’d be able to depart this mortal coil with some style and wit, beyond a gurgled ‘urgghhh’ or an exclamatory ‘arghhh’?!

However, maybe that is a privilege extended only to the famous, who have ‘ghostwriters’ to do that for them?

As a ‘ghostwriter’ myself, here are some of my personal favourites:

1. The deep & meaningful last words

These are the words we might wish we could utter, against the backdrop of a soaring soundtrack and a Hollywood set. Hence why we’ll never say anything approaching the following sign-offs:

Elizabeth the First: “All my possessions for one moment of time.” Beautiful and succinct.

Cardinal Borgia: “I have provided in the course of my life for everything except death, and now, alas, I am to die unprepared.” Do I detect a note of panic in the religious man at the end?

Thomas Hobbes: “I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap in the dark.”  As befits a philosopher, inquisitive to the very end.

Socrates: “All of the wisdom of this world is but a tiny raft upon which we must set sail when we leave this earth. If only there was a firmer foundation upon which to sail, perhaps some divine word.” ….although I wonder, did Socrates’ reputation mean that he was never going to sign off with a simple sentence?! 

2. The deluded

OK, so this category is probably the closest to reality!

H. G. Wells: “Go away: I’m alright.”

Douglas Fairbanks, Sr.: “Never felt better.”

Franklin D. Roosevelt: “I have a terrific headache.”

3. The amusing

Once again, none of us are ever likely to laugh at death when the time comes….but it would help to have the last line pre-prepared.

W. C. Fields: “I’m looking for a loophole.”

Oscar Wilde: “My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go . . .”

General John Sedgwick (during the heat of battle in 1864): “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist——!” Well, unintentionally amusing in this particular instance!

Maybe the last word (on this blog about last words) should go to Karl Marx, a man not widely noted for his humour or wit:

“Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough!”