BLT 3/10/19 – Rejection – what does it mean to you?

The internet is full of tips for how to handle to rejection.

However, do these tips tell the full story?

10 tips for handling rejection in business

• The Buoyancy Principle – use positive ‘self-talk’
• Confidence Poses – adopt body positions that communicate confidence and charisma
• Support System – avoid naysayers who become ‘confidence vacuums’
• Don’t take it personally – as Michael Corleone once said, “It’s not personal, it’s business” (not that I’m advocating Godfather-style retribution!)
• It’s not always permanent – maybe there’s a hidden objection to uncover?
• Identify areas of improvement – find out what you could have done better
• Know why you were rejected – listen carefully
• Remember your victories – focus on the times somebody said ‘yes’
• Get rejected – desensitise yourself to rejection (think telesales!)

OK, so that’s the conventional background to dealing with rejection. Our BLT discussion group considered the issue of rejection from a few other angles.

1) Age – Stoic v Snowflake?

“Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.”

Winston Churchill

Has society become less tolerant of rejection (rather ironic when inclusivity is the new watchword) than our forefathers?

In the ‘old days’ (I’m using this term for anybody aged over 40 years; i.e. whose formative years were in the pre-internet era…yup, that’s old now!), rejection was usually both delivered and received in person – there was no ‘digital rejection’ back then.

Did that help to soften the blow; i.e. being able to look the person in the eye, interpret the nuances, read between the lines, request feedback face-to-face? Probably – rejection has become far more automated these days, which should mean that it matters less (because it’s more commonplace), but in truth, it still hurts just as much.

2) Upbringing and entitlement

“Is she the only one at fault? For though she’s spoiled, and dreadfully so, A girl can’t spoil herself, you know. Who spoiled her, then? Ah, who indeed? Who pandered to her every need? Who turned her into such a brat? Who are the culprits? Who did that? Alas! You needn’t look so far To find out who these sinners are. They are (and this is very sad) Her loving parents, MUM and DAD.”

Roald Dahl – Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

This is one thing that hasn’t changed over time. “Give me a child until he is seven and I will show you the man…” was a saying attributed to Aristotle back in Ancient Greek times. Hence a spoilt children have always become spoilt adults with a misplaced sense of entitlement…and an inability to handle rejection.

We touched upon this in the first point – people respond to rejection differently on a remote (digital) basis versus face-to-face.

In today’s society, we are always being asked for our opinions and feedback, be it after a conference (Survey Monkey), an internet purchase (Amazon review) or a restaurant visit (Tripadvisor).  How honest are we online though, compared to face-to-face?

On the one hand (if you’re going to be brutally honest; i.e. nasty), there is the attraction of anonymity, whereby you can vent your spleen in writing rather than having to speak to another human being. How the hospitality industry handles ‘online rejection’ could be a topic in its own right, but we haven’t got time for that here.

On the other hand, taking the time to talk to people face-to-face is the best way to elicit an honest response (cultural differences aside – see below).

For example, for a while I’ve offered a ‘Pathfinder’ service which generates market feedback for companies. This involves ringing up 10-20 clients on a specific issue and encouraging them to speak their mind in order to voice any niggles (no matter how small or seemingly trivial). Otherwise, companies can be lulled into a false sense of security by ‘Excellent’ or ‘Very good’ online feedback, purely because the respondent cannot be bothered to write anything or cannot convey the subtleties of their feedback on paper.

4) Cultural differences

Complaining about hospitality (hotels, travel, meals..etc) has never been easier online, and this makes global feedback a fairly level playing field, hence the huge market influence of rating sites such as Tripadvisor.

However, as discussed in the group, complaining in person tends to differ far more from country to country.

As Brits, we tend to be more reserved, not wanting to make a scene, often prone to responding “Yes, thank you very much” when asked if we’ve enjoyed our meal, before proceeding to sound off online about how we didn’t really enjoy it. Apparently Swedes are much more direct (according to our resident BLT Swede) with the attitude that “we want them to know something is wrong so they can make it better.”

So, although Swedes are more likely to knock off an automatic service charge for bad service, they are also more likely to overtip for good service, whereas us Brits tend to accept the 12.5% addition regardless, whether good or bad.

Conclusion

Yes, in business, rejection is inevitable, hence why the Godfather quote sums it up most succinctly: “It’s not personal, it’s business”. Enough said.

On a personal basis, rejection is much more complicated, affected by age, upbringing, and the medium of rejection.

“Most fears of rejection rest upon the desire for approval from other people. Don’t base your self-esteem on their opinions.”

BLT member news

• David Banes – launching a new artisan online food business (www.beanandgrain.co.uk)
• Matt Wright (me!) – Quiz n Chips at Marlow British Legion, 7.30pm Friday 8th November (£15 per ticket)
• Martin Capel-Smith – Inheritance Tax Planning Presentation Details,Friday 1^st November 2019,  RICS Headquarters, Parliament Square, SW1P 3AD